ABSOLUTION
by NiteJasmine
Summary: Sequel to my short piece "PENANCE." You should probably read that first so you get Horatio's mindset for this. H/Cal romance, Rated M just to be safe. Horatio is struggling with his crushing loneliness, and Calleigh is determined to help.
1. Chapter 1

**ABSOLUTION**

**A CSI Miami FanFic**

**By NiteJasmine**

**Sequel to my short piece "PENANCE." You should probably read that first so you get Horatio's mindset for this. **_**Special thanks to one of my favorite fellow authors, Lieutenant Caine, for inspiring this one. Hope I did it proud!**_** H/Cal romance, Rated M mainly for later chapters and just to be safe…**

**Horatio is struggling with his crushing loneliness. Calleigh not only takes notice, she wants to find some way to comfort him… **

Calleigh looked up as Horatio entered the ballistics lab. She was about the flash him her trademark megawatt smile, but she could see that he was all business right now. So she quickly ran through the evidence she had collected from the scene earlier, and had determined that the victim had been killed with a small caliber round, possibly a .38 or even a .22. But she had no match on the murder weapon yet. However, due to the fact that such a large number of guns had been seized from the suspect's home, she still had quite a few handguns to process.

"I'll let you know what I find out," she said, reaching for the next weapon on the table to be tested.

Horatio nodded and with a cursory 'thank you,' turned and strode from the lab and disappeared down the hallway out of sight.

Calleigh watched him walk away, a look of guarded concern clouding her lovely features. She was actually starting to become genuinely worried about her boss. She always knew that Horatio Caine kept his feelings and innermost thoughts tightly bottled up and locked deep inside. He was gentle and caring with the victims, and drove himself relentlessly in pursuing the criminals who had done them harm. He was a consummate professional, and did his job exceedingly well, as always.

But she had been noticing changes in him over the last several months. Subtle changes. And they were getting worse. Nobody else may have noticed them, but she certainly did. She had always had a very special place in her heart for that man, and several times, she had almost worked up the courage to act on it. But she had made the mistake of dating someone in her workplace before, and tried to learn from that fiasco. So for fear of damaging their friendship or their ability to work together, she kept her own desires and deep feelings for the strong red-head very well hidden. But she always kept an affectionate and protective eye on him.

And lately, he just seemed more distant, more stressed. And not just when he was working a specific case. It was all the time. He just seemed… _tired._ Those sky blue eyes of his that used to sparkle so brightly now just looked sad and dark. And although Horatio wasn't one to be strolling around flashing a movie-star-smile, she couldn't remember the last time she had actually _seen_ him smile. At anything or anyone. He didn't hang out with the team off-duty, he never dated (she was sure she would have heard it through the grapevine around here if he was), and only took his vacation time if he was forced to. And even then, he never went anywhere. He would take a couple days at a time, and just stay home until it was time to come back to work.

She sighed heavily, then re-focused her attention back to the task at hand and got back to work. She continued methodically going through the test firing and comparison of the pile of the weapons on the table. But the entire rest of the afternoon, she just couldn't get Horatio Caine off of her mind. It was still nagging at her. She was genuinely worried about him, but had no idea what to do about it.

Then finally, at close to five o'clock, the very last gun she tested came up as a perfect match. She had the murder weapon. She was excited to have some good news about the case, and even more delighted to have a good reason to call Horatio.

He answered on the first ring and she cheerfully shared the good news.

"Thank you Calleigh," he said flatly. "Good work. I'll have Frank pick him up." Click. The phone went dead as he hung up the other end. Calleigh stared at her phone, wishing she could reach through it and into his head and find out what was wrong with him.

She sighed again and then began the arduous task of securing all the firearms on the table into evidence bags and logging them into the locker. This was going to take a while…

It was nearly 6:30 when she was finally turning off the lights and locking the door. Just as she crossed the lobby, she saw a familiar looking woman standing at the Reception desk, looking perplexed.

Calleigh recognized her as Monica Tomlinson, the mother of one of the murder victims from last week. It had been an exceptionally tough case for everyone involved. Mrs. Tomlinson's only daughter, 13-year-old Erica, had been kidnapped and brutalized, and the poor woman had been absolutely devastated. However, due to everyone's diligence and hard work, her daughter's killer was now behind bars and facing a probable death sentence.

Noticing the agitation the woman was showing, Calleigh approached her.

"Mrs. Tomlinson?" Calleigh asked softly.

The woman turned, and an expression of great relief came over her face.

"Miss Duquesne," she said gratefully. "Oh, I'm so glad you're here. I was really hoping to catch Lieutenant Caine, but they said he's already gone for the day. But I think you can probably help me."

She pulled a small silver cross on a delicate silver chain from her pocket. She took Calleigh's hand and placed the cross in her palm, then closed her hand around it.

"This was Erica's. And I wanted Lieutenant Caine to have it. Erica would have wanted that."

Calleigh looked at the woman, unable to find any appropriate words.

"I'm flying up to Ohio tonight, to be with family. Would you _please_ make sure that he gets it? And tell him how grateful I am that he found my daughter's… killer and put him in jail." She had to stop for a moment before continuing. "You have no idea what that means to me, to know that that animal is going to pay for what he did to my baby. So, would you please see that he gets this? Would you please do that for me?" She asked, looking close to tears.

"Of course I will," Calleigh answered, moved by the flood of emotion from the woman.

Impulsively, Mrs. Tomlinson reached out and hugged Calleigh.

"Oh, thank you… thank you so much…" The woman said, tears now rolling down her face. "Thank you…"

The grieving mother released her and quickly exited the building, leaving Calleigh speechless. She opened her hand and stared at the beautiful little cross that had hung around the neck of a pretty and happy little girl whose life had been ended far too soon.

_Life's too short…_ She thought to herself.

She could have just left the gift on his desk, but she didn't want to take the chance of anything happening to something this special. So she figured she would stop by Horatio's house on the way home and give it to him personally.

She tucked the tiny gift into her pocket and headed for the parking lot.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Calleigh pulled up in Horatio's driveway and killed the engine. She had tried to call him a couple times, but his phone just went straight to voice mail. _That's odd,_ she thought. She hesitated for a moment, should she just show up on his porch unannounced? She didn't want to invade his privacy. She saw that his car was here, but it didn't look like anyone was home. She could see only one dim light on in the living room, the rest of the house was dark.

_I'll just see if he's home, _she finally decided._ If he is, I'll just give this cross to him and get out of here and leave him to his evening in peace._

She exited the vehicle and walked to his front door. She was just about to knock, when she heard a loud crashing sound from inside… the unmistakable sound of glass shattering. Then another sound, like someone struggling… in a fight…

_Oh my God… Horatio's in trouble!_

She drew her gun and took a defensive position next to the door.

"Horatio?" She called loudly. "Horatio, it's Calleigh! Are you in there?"

Silence.

"Horatio?" She called again.

She couldn't wait any more. He could be fighting for his life or seriously hurt. She had to get in there. She spun around and stood in front of the door, and with every ounce of strength she had, she reared back and kicked the front door as hard as she could. The door flew open as the door jamb caved in under the force of the blow, sending small shards of wood flying in the process.

She immediately ducked and rolled through the open door and came up on one knee, gun at the ready, and quickly scanned the room.

And then she saw him. Horatio was sitting on the floor with his back leaned against the far wall, breathing in shuddered gasps. She looked around quickly, but could see nobody else. She holstered her weapon and quickly went to him.

"Horatio?" She said, kneeling down in front of him, "Hey, are you OK? Are you hurt? What happened?"

He was huddled up, his head buried, and his arms wrapped around his knees.

"Go… away…" he managed to stammer.

Calleigh paused for a moment, stunned. It sounded like, like he was _crying…_

"Horatio, I'm not going anywhere until I know you're not hurt," she said gently, her concern growing deeper by the second. What the hell was going on here?

He didn't move.

"Look, I heard glass breaking," she said carefully. "I thought you were in trouble…"

"The lamp…" he choked. "I… I threw my gun… it… broke…"

It took a couple of seconds for Calleigh to figure out what he was saying. And the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. _Threw his gun… Oh my God… Had he actually been considering… _No. She didn't even want to think it.

All the alarm bells went off in her head. And no way was she leaving him alone now. But she had to get him calmed down, get him to talk to her. Whatever was slowly tearing him apart, whatever was tormenting him so, she was determined to help him.

"Horatio," she said softly. "Hey, it's OK." She reached out and put her hand gently on his shoulder. "It's OK."

He still didn't move, but she could feel his body lightly trembling under her hand.

"You know I just want to help you, right?" She asked gently, her voice almost a whisper. "I want you to let me. Please, Horatio. Please let me help you."

Slowly, he raised his head from between his arms, but his gaze stayed glued to the floor. His face was streaked with tears and his eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot. A look of utter despair was etched into his features. He was still breathing in short, ragged gasps. Calleigh had never seen anyone look so tortured and sad, much less the Horatio Caine that she knew.

"Please… Calleigh…" he pleaded, not even able to look at her. Completely ashamed of himself. "Don't… please don't… tell anyone…"

"I won't," she answered. It broke her heart to see him like this. "But you need to talk to me. OK? You need to tell me what's going on."

She reached out her hand and gently brushed back a few strands of his hair before softly laying her hand against his cheek. His reaction startled her. He gasped and closed his eyes, and immediately leaned heavily into her touch with what sounded like a soft whimper. Slowly, it dawned on her. When was the last time a woman had touched him?

Hoping she wasn't making the wrong move, she slowly got up and moved closer to him. Never breaking contact with him, she slipped her other arm around his shoulders and pulled him to her.

"Come here, Horatio," she whispered. "It's OK. C'mere."

She felt his trembling frame melt into her embrace. He leaned against her and wrapped both his arms around her waist and hugged her tightly. He took a shaky deep breath and sighed heavily.

They stayed like that for some time, their arms wrapped around each other, Calleigh gently caressing him and whispering soft words. Eventually, he calmed down and his breathing started to return to normal.

Finally, Calleigh broke the gentle silence.

"Hey," she said sheepishly. "I think I should go see if I can find a way to close your front door. Then maybe we could sit down on the couch and talk. Would that be OK?"

Slowly, they unwrapped themselves from each other. Horatio sat up, his eyes still downcast, and quietly nodded.

They both knew that it was going to be a long night…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Calleigh crossed the room and quickly examined the injured front door that was still hanging wide open. The door jamb was in splinters, no way that it was going to hold anything shut. But then she noticed that the deadbolt was still in place, tucked flush inside the door. She was silently thankful that Horatio hadn't engaged the heavy deadbolt, or she would never have gotten through the door and probably would've had a broken leg or shattered ankle to show for her efforts.

She swung the door shut and flipped the deadbolt carriage over, and it slid snugly into the recessed hole on the other side, which had been unaffected by the battered doorjamb giving way. Pleased that the door was secure for the night, she turned her attention back to Horatio.

He had made his way to the sofa, and was just sitting there, elbows on his knees, shoulders slumped, his forehead resting heavily on his hands. It appeared that he had managed to halt his tears, but was struggling mightily to keep it that way. It broke her heart to see him like that. He looked so fragile. She knew she was going to have to be very careful with him, very gentle. But if she was going to be able to help him, she still had to get him to talk to her, get him to open up and tell her what was torturing him so mercilessly. And that was going to take some doing.

She walked over and sat down next to him on the couch, and put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," she said softly. "You know whatever it is that is tearing you up, whatever the problem is… I will do anything I can to help you. Whatever it is, we can fix it together, OK?"

He didn't respond.

"But I gotta know what's going on, I gotta know what's wrong," she continued. "And you're the only one who can tell me that."

He was quiet for a long moment. Then he took a deep shaky breath, and spoke. His voice had the defeated tone of utter hopelessness.

"It… can't _be_ fixed…" he said haltingly.

"Horatio, I don't believe that. There has to be something we can do." She said firmly. "Just talk to me. Please, talk to me."

He dropped his hands, and turned his head away from her.

"I…I have to… go to bed…" he said, looking around the room like he was searching for something. "I have to… get up for work… early tomorrow…"

"No, Horatio. No you don't," she interrupted. "Because you know what? You and me, we're taking the day off tomorrow."

He snapped his head up, and he finally looked at her for the first time since her arrival, a look of anxious worry clouding his bloodshot eyes.

He shook his head quickly. "No, Calleigh, no… I can't do that. I have to go to work. It's all I've got. I have to keep going…"

"No you don't," Calleigh interjected. She paused and took a deep breath, studying his pleasing eyes, before going on. "Listen to me. You push yourself way too hard. Now don't get me wrong, I know how important your job is to you. It's not just something that you do, it's who you are. And it's like it's your personal mission or something. I appreciate that, and I respect it. You do an amazing job, and you have helped and saved so many people. But, Horatio, you deserve to take a break once in a while. I mean, my God, you do not have to singlehandedly save every single person in this entire city."

He hung his head and closed his eyes, and was quiet for another long moment.

"Yes I do," he whispered. "Maybe that would be enough…"

"Enough for what?" She asked gently.

"Absolution," he said, opening his eyes and staring down at the floor. "To finally be forgiven."

Calleigh paused, and looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"You don't understand Calleigh," he continued. "I am so alone. I have no one. It's all part of my penance for killing the man who murdered my mother. Even God has turned his back on me. So I have to keep going… until I've done enough."

It took Calleigh a few moments to fully process what he had just told her. She was stunned by the realization. The sheer magnitude of the guilt and loneliness that this man was carrying around… and being driven by such an unrelenting force… no wonder it was crushing the life out of him. She desperately wanted to help him. But she had no idea how. She wished that she could just wrap her arms around him and comfort him and make it all go away.

"Horatio, that was _years_ ago," she said soothingly, lightly rubbing his shoulders. "I believe with all my heart that you have done _more_ than enough."

Suddenly, Calleigh remembered the gift in her pocket. That could be the key.

"Hey, I have something for you," she said warmly. "Give me your hand."

She reached out and took his hand, and turned it over as she pulled the small silver treasure from her pocket. She draped the delicate cross across his palm, the small silver chain glittered with the soft light in the room.

"This belonged to Erica Tomlinson," she explained. "Her Mom is extremely grateful to you for catching her little girl's killer, and she wanted you to have it. She said Erica would have wanted that. She had me promise that I would make sure you got it."

Horatio stared at the small cross, deeply moved by such a meaningful gift.

"That's why I'm here, Horatio," Calleigh continued. "If I hadn't worked a little late tonight, and Erica's Mom hadn't stopped into the station when she did, and hadn't just happened to see me, then I would have had no reason at all to come over here and end up kicking your front door in. This cross is what brought me here."

The words hit Horatio like a lightning bolt. He couldn't believe it what he was hearing. Could it really be? Could he dare to actually grasp at a strand of hope? Maybe God hadn't completely abandoned him after all… Maybe the good Lord had been trying to send him a message and he had just been too busy beating himself up to hear it. So he sent Calleigh to get his attention_. He sent Calleigh…_

"I… I don't… know what to say…" he stammered haltingly. He closed his hand around the tiny cross and held it for a moment, before slipping it into his shirt pocket, close to his heart. He slowly began to feel as though a huge burden was being lifted from his shoulders.

"There's something else," Calleigh said softly.

Horatio turned and looked at her. The loving emotion he saw in her soft green eyes warmed his wounded heart and stirred deep feelings within himself he had thought were long dead and gone.

She reached out and put her hand over his. "You know you don't have to be alone if you don't want to be."

A look of deep sadness crossed his face once again, and he dropped his eyes back down to the floor.

"Everyone always goes away," he said, his voice sounding dejected and sorrowful. "Everyone I touch."

Calleigh moved off the sofa, and slowly knelt in front of him. She pulled his hand up to her face and gently placed it against her soft cheek. He looked up and gazed into her lovely eyes once again.

"Touch me, Horatio," she said lovingly. "I won't go away."

She leaned into his touch, and moved closer, sliding her hands up the front of his chest. He wrapped his arm around her, and pulled her to him. Their lips met in a soft, sweet and gentle kiss. They kissed each other languidly, hands and tongues tenderly exploring.

When the kiss finally broke, Horatio wrapped his arms around her and hugged her fiercely. He closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the captivating warmth of her body pressed against his. He felt like he could stay there forever.

However, despite all the warm positive feelings, he began to realize how incredibly tired he was.

"Come here," he said quietly. He leaned back into the couch, bringing Calleigh's slender body with him, still wrapped in his arms. She snuggled against his side and softly moaned her approval. He pulled down the light blanket draped over the back of the sofa and managed to throw it over them both.

There would be no tortured dreams tonight, he was sure of it. The wonderful woman lying in his arms had chased all the darkness away.

He pulled out the small silver cross from his pocket and looked at it again. He would treasure this precious little gift for the rest of his life. It had brought him absolution, and it had also brought him love. He would carry it with him always. And he would never be alone again.

_**A/N: I just couldn't torture our beloved H any longer! I had to end this with him whole-heartedly happy! Feel free to send along a review, I love feedback!**_


End file.
